Heaven, hell, faith, and purpose

For those who know me, my first real post on this new blog may seem a bit out of the norm, at least for me. Anyone who feels this way, rest assured, I'm not ill, and even I don't know where this is all going. The only thing I know for certain is that 2007 is feeling like it will be a year where I will need to take the time and effort to come to terms with where I'm at spiritually, where I'm going, and how that will affect other areas of my life.

As I mentioned in my last post, for reasons I've not quite figured out, I have felt the need to assess my relationship to Christianity, the tradition in which I grew up. I'm not sure where this will lead, but I do know that it is something that must be done.

My last post dealt with how I perceive God, and what my beliefs are in relation to him. In this post I want to explore my feelings on the afterlife and related concepts (heaven, hell, reincarnation).

For starters, I know that God is " all-loving, all-inclusive, and immanent in me, the world, and every other living being." That being said, I do not believe in Heaven and Hell, as they are understood by most Christians today. I must stress that, though I say this, I do not deny the experience of heaven nor the experience of hell.

Regarding the common understanding of Heaven and Hell as actual places, my feelings on each is different, so I shall approach them separately. First, Hell. I don't believe in such an actual place, because this contradicts my core belief in an all-loving, inclusive, and immanent God.

By immanent, I mean that I believe that everything (including us) is part of God and God is thus a part of us. Now, if the concept of Hell as a place were accurate, then this would deny our unity with God. This also goes against the idea of an all-loving God, since it is not a very loving act to send one's own creations to the fire because of things you gave them the freedom to do or not to do.

This would also go against the idea that God is perfect, because if he were perfect, then he wouldn't have a need for Hell. Well, I believe that God is perfect in everything he does, and that everything he does is done out of the deepest love for us. That is why I do not believe in a Hell to which God sends those who "fail him."

As I said though, I do believe in the experiences of heaven and hell.

I do not believe that God condemns anyone, for any reason. However, I do believe that, by our actions and thoughts, we condemn ourselves. As one of my favorite musicians, Tori Amos, asked in her song, "Crucify," "Why do we crucify ourselves everyday?" I believe that we condemn, and make martyrs of ourselves, because we have been taught to believe in a God of conditionality.

I also believe that such treatment of ourselves is a mockery and outright rebuttal of what Jesus was all about. I do not believe that Jesus came here to "save" us; rather, I believe he came to liberate us from our low visions of ourselves. Jesus came to raise us up, not to tear us down and belittle us as "sinners." He came on a mission of love, and was killed by those he tried to liberate.

And why? Why was Jesus killed by those he tried to save?

Jesus was crucified because we refuse to believe that we are good enough to be a part of God. We refuse to believe that we are worthy to be called Children of God, much less "one" with God. We refuse to open our eyes and see what he was trying to show.

To return to heaven and hell, let me explain, on the other hand, my feelings about heaven. I said earlier that I did not believe in Heaven as a place. To be more precise, I do not believe that heaven exists as a place--yet. I do however believe in the experience of heaven, and that the experience will prove to be key to the creation of a place called Heaven. I believe that Earth is the arena in which heaven and hell are experienced, and the place where, eventually, Heaven will come to exist.

I want to wrap this entry up with my understanding of how the ideas of heaven and hell can be used by individuals to work towards bettering their lives as well as others.

Imagine if you will that your every action, every activity you pursue, every choice you make, every word you speak, and even each thought you think. Imagine that, with each of these "trivial" details, you have the power to bring the world closer to God, or the power to push it further away. Indeed, this is my understanding, that even the most trivial thought can bring the world to God.

This is what Jesus meant by having faith. "If you have faith, it will happen. If you believe, you will get anything you ask for in prayer" (Matthew 21:21-22). The trick is that we must have faith that every little thing we think, say or do will matter and will have influence on the fate of ourselves and the rest of the world.

Spirituality

I've been thinking a lot about my spirituality, where I've come from, where I am, and where I see things going. And to be honest, I'm quite at a loss. It'd be easy if I could just not worry about it like so many people are able to do--but I'm not one of those people. My spirituality has always been a matter of utmost concern for me, and I believe that it will continue to be so.
I'm a spiritual seeker of the most restless sort. My past can vouch for that, from a conservative Christian upbringing, to explorations into New Age, Paganism, Agnosticism, and to a lesser extent, Eastern religions.
I'm at a point now where it would be "easiest" to claim atheism and go on about my life. But, I can't do it. I know deep down that there is a God, and I know that this God is all-loving, all-inclusive, and immanent in me, the world, and every other living being.
I feel that I've learned much from the paths I have explored. I have learned that the world is a marvel and deserves to be revered and treated with respect. I've learned that we are all part and parcel of the divine, and as such, we are all deserving of respect and dignity.
With all that I have learned, there are still so many things that I have to grapple with and just accept as a knowing. I know, that as creatures of dignity and goodness, we are not sinful creatures condemned to Hell and in need of saving. I know, however, that the concept of sin exists because we forget that we are worthy of being called divine.
I know that this is what God wants us all to realize. That we are all integral parts of Who and What God Is. This knowing has brought me to a point where I'm returning to look at Christianity, the faith of my past, and figure out what, if anything, I want to take from it.
Of course, this means I'm having to look at such things as sin, salvation, and Jesus, and try to figure out what meaning I can derive from them. I also have to figure out how to connect what I know, with what I want to keep.
For instance, how can I harmonize aspects of Christianity with my own beliefs, without sacrificing my inner integrity? I know, despite what has been said, that homosexuality is part of who I am. I know that God does not condemn this part of me. I know also that God does not condemn period. We condemn ourselves and each other. If anything, at this point, I feel that that is what Jesus was all about, showing us how to look higher, to strive to remember who we are, and what we are.

I'm sure there will be much more for me to say on this as days go by, so keep an eye out.