Happenings of Interest (and frustration)

I just wanted to share a few of the things I've got going on right now.

Firstly, I've got a few ideas lined up for some blog topics, these will be forthcoming as soon as I find the time to work on them.

Secondly, I'm getting ready to graduate at the end of this coming summer. If all goes as planned, I'll be transient at Georgia State to take two Religious Studies classes. Here are the course descriptions:

RELS 3230 PHILOSOPHY OF RELIGION 3.0
Philosophy of Religion.
(Same as Phil 3230.)
Issues such as the nature of religion, arguments for the
existence of God, the problem of evil, faith and reason,
religious experience, immortality, myth and symbol, and
alternative religious philosophies.

RELS 3270 WORLD RELIGIONS 3.0
World Religions.
Survey and comparison of the beliefs and practices of the
major world religions including Christianity, Islam,
Judaism, Buddhism, and Hinduism.

I'm really excited about this because I've taken philosophy classes, but haven't had the opportunity to take any religion courses, now's my chance! I'll be working this out in the weeks to come.

I'm really getting swamped this semester with reading and papers! The main source of this problem is my American Literature survey class. I'm used to essay tests by now, no surprise there, but this teacher is crazy!!! Instead of a test being a reward for coming to class, it's another source of extra work I have to do. He assigns 3 topics and expects you to prepare an essay for each of the 3 topics. Then, on test day, he will randomly select one of the 3 for you to write.
Now, I ask, what is the point of this? As if there wasn't enough for us to worry about already, we get to write 3 essays--only ONE of which will matter. There's little enough time to study as it is, let alone when one has three essays to write.
And say nothing of the fact that most students are taking 3-4 other classes besides! Each with their own set of assignments and expectations.

Does one's ability to "just barely make it" show that they have learned? Wouldn't it make sense to actually simplify matters so that a student's true comprehension can shine through? For surely, writing three essays, two of which will disappear, does none of this.

If you can't tell, I'm really irritated about this. Just one more example of how the educational system shows little regard for whether a student excels or not.

Monastery of the Holy Spirit

Over the last couple days, I’ve been trying to get my thoughts around my trip to the Monastery of the Holy Spirit. It was an amazingly peaceful, eye-opening, and reflective experience. I’d have to say this was one of the most memorable field trips I have ever been on. The most memorable parts of the trip were the silent lunch and standing in the sanctuary. Please note, I’m not Catholic so I may misuse terminology, for that I apologize in advance. Also, please note that the images are from the monastery's website and I have linked the images back to the site.

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It was chilly and windy when Mom and Dad picked me up for our excursion to Conyers. Things started off a little crazy, we get to Hardee’s in Marietta for breakfast to realize that—none of us had remembered to get directions! We decided to wait until we reached Conyers and then ask directions. We ended up getting directions in a liquor store, surprisingly enough!

Then, once we reached the monastery, we found out that my teacher, and a good portion of our group had not yet arrived! So, we milled around the bookstore and welcome room until the rest showed up within the hour. After a brief meeting, we were then free to roam around the grounds until 1, when we’d be meeting with Father James Behrens.

The first place of note was the church. After passing through the heavy, wooden doors, and passing through the shadowed foyer, the most striking feature of the sanctuary is the colors. The walls were undecorated, white stone, which glowed in the blue light given off from the stained glass windows above. Further in, on the far side of the sanctuary (where the altar is) the blue glow gives way to bright yellow light that beams down on the altar on which the Eucharist is performed. Above all this is the Salve window, which depicts Mary “holding the enthroned Christ Child and overshadowed by symbols of God the Father and God the Holy Spirit.”

As I stood there in the back, I just soaked up the colors and the silence. There were moments when I’d get that tingly feeling on the back of my neck that just relaxed me into this very peaceful environment. It would be appropriate to say that, standing there, you could feel the sacredness of the place.

After we left the church, we walked down to the lake to look around, but then the wind picked up so, since it was nearing 1:00, we went on to the Retreat House to wait on the group to gather. Waiting in the foyer, I tried the coffee they had brewing which was from a Trappist monastery in the Andes Mountains. I must say that, although I didn’t buy any, it was some of the best coffee I have had! Anyways, we were just waiting around, when one of the monks came out of the Silent Area and asked if we’d like to have some lunch. After a brief hesitation, Mom and I looked at Dad and we then followed the monk back into the Silent Area where there was a small cafeteria.

The amazing part of this was that—apart from some whispering when getting the food and a recitation of the Hail Mary—the entire meal was conducted in silence. The meal, small but filling, consisted of a piece of fried chicken, steamed carrots and broccoli, coleslaw, bread, and apple pie. This meal gave me the best understanding of the contemplative nature of monastic life; the idea that every action, every aspect of one’s life becomes a contemplative communion with God.

I don’t really have much to say regarding the meeting with Father James Behrens, apart from the fact that he definitely showed that the commonly-held image of monks is often misplaced. He was very down-to-earth, laidback, and funny.

The funniest thing regarding our meeting with Father Behrens had nothing to do with him, but a case of mistaken identity. When we were all waiting for him to arrive, my teacher comes in and, seeing my Dad, quizzically asks, “. . . Father Behrens?” He had mistaken Dad to be the monk, to which Dad just laughed and said no, he was with me. Today in class, I smiled when this story was relayed to the class as I was told that Dad just looked, to my teacher, like an Irish priest!

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To close, I went back to Pilgrimage this past Sunday, and I’m feeling pretty comfortable going there, the atmosphere is very non-threatening and accepting. I’m still trying to discover what my thoughts and feelings are towards my spiritual development, but I’m comfortable with this period of change, so far.

Please keep an eye on the photo section of my own website for a few pictures I took from the trip.

How I ended up in a UCC church last Sunday

We're barely even a month into 2007 and I'm already noticing how this year is feeling different and full of change. As I have mentioned in previous posts, I'm not sure where this is all going. I'm just doing the best I can to keep up and not miss anything (which I'm quite good at doing).

Sometime around late-November, early-December, with Christmas coming up, I began to feel a certain degree of ambivalence when it came to my spirituality. I began to realize that, while I still shared many of the beliefs and opinions, I no longer felt at home with my Unitarian Universalist spirituality.

Prior to midterms this past summer, I had reassessed myself and felt lead back to Unitarian Universalism from my stint with Paganism. I felt that I needed to take my Pagan beliefs and reapply them into a Unitarian Universalist context. This is reflected in another old blog of mine. But then, at Christmas, I was feeling lead towards another spiritual move--this one would be a big one.

When I visited my aunt in Texas for the holidays, I bought a Bible at the discount bookstore. Of course I had bibles back home, but I felt the urge to have a new one. And I wanted one that either had no devotional materials, or ones that didn't go out of the way to twist verses into an admonition against homosexuality. I found one that I liked, and bought it. Of course, not yet knowing where things were going, my reason for the purchase was "so I could have one to reference for school papers if I needed one."

Then, I get home and go with a good friend of mine to Borders and that is where I felt the urge to go and look in the Christian book area. This was where I saw The Secret Message of Jesus by Brian McLaren. I also noticed that McLaren had other books, particularly striking was the title, A New Kind of Christian. Reading the backs of these books I decided I would investigate them and the author online and just see what they were all about. About a week or so later, I went to Borders again and bought The Secret Message of Jesus.

I just finished reading it a few days ago, and I must say that I was pleasantly surprised by what McLaren had to say. I still despise the notions of an elitist, isolationist, self-righteous Christianity, so I was glad to read McLaren's view that was more in-line with what I imagine was really what Jesus meant. I especially liked that, at times, McLaren mentions the possibility that "what if Muslims, Buddhists, or Jews grasped Jesus' message before Christians did and entered the Kingdom of God before them?" Now, this is something I really like, here is a Jesus who you can believe in without renouncing who you are entirely.

Around the reading of this, I began to investigate churches in the area that would be open to gay people and not view us as "someone in need of changing." Of course, I first looked into the MCC, but while their beliefs are appealing to me, they just weren't geographically feasible for an actual visit. I emailed the pastor there anyways and inquired about if he knew of any churches in my area that would be accepting. I continued to research online and found Pilgrimage UCC's website and sent an inquiry to the minister. Then, I heard back from the MCC minister who said that he didn't know of any churches specifically, but that some UCC churches were accepting. This would be coincidence number 1.

I have not heard from Pilgrimage's minister, but this past weekend, my sister and I made an excursion there to check out the Sunday service. We were late, but didn't miss but the first 5/10 minutes or so. Turns out that that Sunday was the day they were celebrating a decade of being an Open and Affirming Congregation for the GLBT community--coincidence 2.

Coincidence 3 was the sermon. The sermon was given by one of their student ministers (going into the ministry). He was very passionate about his message, but what struck me was what he was actually saying. His sermon was hitting me as being nearly word-for-word from McLaren's Secret Message.

So, what do I think all of this means? I don't know. Do I think that these coincidences happened by chance? Not really. I do know that I want to go back to Pilgrimage and see more of what they are about. I also know that this Sunday was a huge step for me, considering it has been over 4 (almost 5) years since I had stepped foot in a Christian church service.

I look forward to sharing more about all of this and more as things unfold, and welcome any comments anyone may have.

Nietzsche: Voluntary Suffering

In his work, The Dawn, Frederich Nietzsche writes a great section (18) about the idea of voluntary suffering. Basically, he discusses mankind's long history of valuing cruelty and suffering (especially self-inflicted) as honorable practices. He writes of the "most moral man" as the man who, through "frequent suffering, deprivation, a hard way of life, and of cruel self-mortification," attains virtue and thereby makes the whole community "look good" to the gods.
Nietzsche then describes this morality as a time "when suffering was a virtue, cruelty a virtue, dissimulation a virtue, revenge a virtue, the slander of reason a virtue, while well-being was a danger, the craving for knowledge a danger, peace a danger, pity a danger, being pitied ignominy, work ignominy, madness divine, change immoral and pregnant with disaster."
He closes with a statement that I feel to be very true, even (especially) with society today. "You think that all this has changed, and that humanity must thus have changed its character? O you who think you know men, learn to know yourselves better!"
This is very much the idea held by many people today, especially many religious individuals. The idea is that, if we suffer much here we will be rewarded in heaven. Most criticize Nietzsche for his critique of Christianity, however, I feel that, if read closely, Nietzsche could show anyone who is part of a religious institution where there might be trouble-spots to watch out for.
In light of that, one may ask, why does Nietzsche point out this "morality of voluntary suffering"? I would suggest taking this and asking "If this is the way things are, how could things be fixed and improved? How could this be changed?"

Fact or Fiction: The Foundation of Faith

This semester, I'm taking an advanced philosophy course that focuses on Frederich Nietzsche and Georges Bataille. I just finished reading Nietzsche's Birth of Tragedy last night. At the point of writing this, Nietzsche had not yet begun his head-on critique of Christianity. However, his comments on Dionysus and Apollo do lend themselves to transference to thoughts on Christianity. For example, in Section 10, Nietzsche writes the following:

. . . It is the fate of every myth to creep by degrees into the narrow limits of some alleged historical reality, and to be treated by some later generation as a unique fact with historical claims . . . For this is the way in which religions are wont to die out: under the stern, intelligent eyes of an orthodox dogmatism, the mythical premises of a religion are systematized as a sum total of historical events; one begins apprehensively to defend the credibility of the myths, while at the same time one opposes any continuation of their natural vitality and growth; the feeling for myth perishes, and its place is taken by the claim of religion to historical foundations. . . .

This reminds me of how vehemently mainstream Christians rail against any who dare suggest that Jesus may not have been an actual person. They hold this idea that, in order for their faith to mean anything, it has to be based on historically verifiable facts. For them, Jesus had to exist in history; he had to have lived, breathed, died, and resurrected in time. If not, then the whole movement is worth less than dirt.

To these individuals I say: Who Cares???

It does not matter, in fact (I dare say) it is preferable, to hold to the title of myth. Myth and faith are intertwined in a way that fact and faith are not. Indeed, faith is this sense of steadfastness, the sense that no matter what, the object of faith will remain the same. Facts chance at a whim, new evidence is found, old theories are blasted to smithereens. Facts should never be the foundation of faith.

Take Arthurian legend, for instance. Does it matter whether King Arthur was real? If he was, does it matter if he were a king? Does it matter if Merlin was really a powerful sorcerer, or a Druid?
Does any of this detract from the legends' power to enchant, instruct, and entertain? No. The legends exist in a realm beyond time, a realm that facts and investigations cannot touch.

The same goes for Jesus. Archaeologists may discover the body tomorrow; geneticists may trace a bloodline. Any such thing could happen at any moment. This does not mean it will make Jesus' message any less moving. Sure, it will alter how we see him in history, but the stories, teachings, and miracles exist in the realm of myth. These exist beyond the reach of fact.

What needs to be understood is that facts appeal to the head, the brain; myths are what appeals to the heart and soul. Facts serve merely to inform where once we were ignorant. Myths, however stir us towards transformation.

Heaven, hell, faith, and purpose

For those who know me, my first real post on this new blog may seem a bit out of the norm, at least for me. Anyone who feels this way, rest assured, I'm not ill, and even I don't know where this is all going. The only thing I know for certain is that 2007 is feeling like it will be a year where I will need to take the time and effort to come to terms with where I'm at spiritually, where I'm going, and how that will affect other areas of my life.

As I mentioned in my last post, for reasons I've not quite figured out, I have felt the need to assess my relationship to Christianity, the tradition in which I grew up. I'm not sure where this will lead, but I do know that it is something that must be done.

My last post dealt with how I perceive God, and what my beliefs are in relation to him. In this post I want to explore my feelings on the afterlife and related concepts (heaven, hell, reincarnation).

For starters, I know that God is " all-loving, all-inclusive, and immanent in me, the world, and every other living being." That being said, I do not believe in Heaven and Hell, as they are understood by most Christians today. I must stress that, though I say this, I do not deny the experience of heaven nor the experience of hell.

Regarding the common understanding of Heaven and Hell as actual places, my feelings on each is different, so I shall approach them separately. First, Hell. I don't believe in such an actual place, because this contradicts my core belief in an all-loving, inclusive, and immanent God.

By immanent, I mean that I believe that everything (including us) is part of God and God is thus a part of us. Now, if the concept of Hell as a place were accurate, then this would deny our unity with God. This also goes against the idea of an all-loving God, since it is not a very loving act to send one's own creations to the fire because of things you gave them the freedom to do or not to do.

This would also go against the idea that God is perfect, because if he were perfect, then he wouldn't have a need for Hell. Well, I believe that God is perfect in everything he does, and that everything he does is done out of the deepest love for us. That is why I do not believe in a Hell to which God sends those who "fail him."

As I said though, I do believe in the experiences of heaven and hell.

I do not believe that God condemns anyone, for any reason. However, I do believe that, by our actions and thoughts, we condemn ourselves. As one of my favorite musicians, Tori Amos, asked in her song, "Crucify," "Why do we crucify ourselves everyday?" I believe that we condemn, and make martyrs of ourselves, because we have been taught to believe in a God of conditionality.

I also believe that such treatment of ourselves is a mockery and outright rebuttal of what Jesus was all about. I do not believe that Jesus came here to "save" us; rather, I believe he came to liberate us from our low visions of ourselves. Jesus came to raise us up, not to tear us down and belittle us as "sinners." He came on a mission of love, and was killed by those he tried to liberate.

And why? Why was Jesus killed by those he tried to save?

Jesus was crucified because we refuse to believe that we are good enough to be a part of God. We refuse to believe that we are worthy to be called Children of God, much less "one" with God. We refuse to open our eyes and see what he was trying to show.

To return to heaven and hell, let me explain, on the other hand, my feelings about heaven. I said earlier that I did not believe in Heaven as a place. To be more precise, I do not believe that heaven exists as a place--yet. I do however believe in the experience of heaven, and that the experience will prove to be key to the creation of a place called Heaven. I believe that Earth is the arena in which heaven and hell are experienced, and the place where, eventually, Heaven will come to exist.

I want to wrap this entry up with my understanding of how the ideas of heaven and hell can be used by individuals to work towards bettering their lives as well as others.

Imagine if you will that your every action, every activity you pursue, every choice you make, every word you speak, and even each thought you think. Imagine that, with each of these "trivial" details, you have the power to bring the world closer to God, or the power to push it further away. Indeed, this is my understanding, that even the most trivial thought can bring the world to God.

This is what Jesus meant by having faith. "If you have faith, it will happen. If you believe, you will get anything you ask for in prayer" (Matthew 21:21-22). The trick is that we must have faith that every little thing we think, say or do will matter and will have influence on the fate of ourselves and the rest of the world.

Spirituality

I've been thinking a lot about my spirituality, where I've come from, where I am, and where I see things going. And to be honest, I'm quite at a loss. It'd be easy if I could just not worry about it like so many people are able to do--but I'm not one of those people. My spirituality has always been a matter of utmost concern for me, and I believe that it will continue to be so.
I'm a spiritual seeker of the most restless sort. My past can vouch for that, from a conservative Christian upbringing, to explorations into New Age, Paganism, Agnosticism, and to a lesser extent, Eastern religions.
I'm at a point now where it would be "easiest" to claim atheism and go on about my life. But, I can't do it. I know deep down that there is a God, and I know that this God is all-loving, all-inclusive, and immanent in me, the world, and every other living being.
I feel that I've learned much from the paths I have explored. I have learned that the world is a marvel and deserves to be revered and treated with respect. I've learned that we are all part and parcel of the divine, and as such, we are all deserving of respect and dignity.
With all that I have learned, there are still so many things that I have to grapple with and just accept as a knowing. I know, that as creatures of dignity and goodness, we are not sinful creatures condemned to Hell and in need of saving. I know, however, that the concept of sin exists because we forget that we are worthy of being called divine.
I know that this is what God wants us all to realize. That we are all integral parts of Who and What God Is. This knowing has brought me to a point where I'm returning to look at Christianity, the faith of my past, and figure out what, if anything, I want to take from it.
Of course, this means I'm having to look at such things as sin, salvation, and Jesus, and try to figure out what meaning I can derive from them. I also have to figure out how to connect what I know, with what I want to keep.
For instance, how can I harmonize aspects of Christianity with my own beliefs, without sacrificing my inner integrity? I know, despite what has been said, that homosexuality is part of who I am. I know that God does not condemn this part of me. I know also that God does not condemn period. We condemn ourselves and each other. If anything, at this point, I feel that that is what Jesus was all about, showing us how to look higher, to strive to remember who we are, and what we are.

I'm sure there will be much more for me to say on this as days go by, so keep an eye out.